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by kenn on 12/26/2003 06:25:00 PM

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Rise And Fall

Their Thoughts On Just Blaze's Use Of Their Vioces.

For Alvin and the Chipmunks, life in the music business has taken a sudden left turn for the once wildly popular cartoon band. Working in an industry with unrelenting demands for freshness, individual drug problems, groupies and a host of other issues, the trio never managed to replicate their earlier successes. Alvin, the fearless leader of this motley crew, was always something of a big dreamer - and schemer. One of his grandiose schemes, however, cost the talented artist a few years of his life after a hare-brained bank robbery attempt went horribly wrong - even injuring his band mates and brothers, Simon and Theodore.

The brothers are currently working the chitling circuit - performing one-night gigs in any pub or dive bar that will have them. Simon, the so-called "brains" of the band, developed an insatiable taste for drugs, booze and prostitutes - even fathering a few bastard chipmunks in his seedy travels. Theodore, the portly sweetheart, has been struggling with his weight for over a decade and is now recovering from triple bypass surgery - and a failed sex change operation. The band members are currently suing the group's former manager, Dave Seville, for owed royalties and mismanaged funds. He was not available for comment. Sharing a flat on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, the brothers sat down with Loosie for an exclusive interview. We managed to discuss all we could until an irate Alvin abruptly called an end to the interview.

RocaBLog: How come when you guys first came out you where so dark and now you guys are so light skinned.

Alvin: Well, they told us we had to change. They told us that we would get more jobs if we were white. People would like us better.

RocaBlog: Theo. How's the recovery from the surgeries been going?

Theodore: Do you mind if I take my shirt off? It's so hot in here. And would you happen to have some chips or something in that bag? I'm a little hungry and it's too warm for me to be walking to that bodega. Well…I feel better about myself. I'm trying to lose about 50 pounds and my therapist - we all have therapists - has given me some hope. He's such a beautiful man inside and out. My heart surgery went well…I can't eat tubs of Chunky Monkey like I used to and performing is tough sometimes. But I'm doing ok. I don't want to really talk about my other surgery just yet. I'm a little shy about that.

Alvin: He's a fag man! All that talking and he coulda summed it up by saying he's a fag. I love him though he's still a fag.

Simon: Alvin! Stop that!

Alvin: OK! OK! Sorry Theo…you little chubby fuck.

RocaBlog: Alvin, how do you feel about the music of Roc-A-Fella producers Just Blaze and Kanye West and how it correlates with the sound you tried to introduce early on? The sped-up vocal samples seem eerily reminiscent of the work you've done in the past.

Alvin: I think it's rather fucked up how he's stealing our shit. I fucking sent that "Oh Boy" shit to Cam'Ron like a while ago. I said "Yo Cam….look out for your boy!" and this guy's like "Cool…I'll do that". But NO!!! Just Blaze comes out with this "Oh Boy" shit and I'm here sharing this shithole with these two losers. I did that hit, man. Why can't Just Blaze and the Roc go on and admit it?? And that fucker Styles from the Lox?? That fucking "I Get High" shit?? I did that too. Guess what? NO FUCKING LOOT COMES MY WAY! I'm taking Roc-A-Fella out. I'm gonna do a whole diss LP taking those fuckers out…plus that battle shit sold a lot of records for that weak ass Nas LP. I take notes…I do my homework.

This isn't the entire thing. If you want to here more of my interview hit me up in the ShoutBox.

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